Definition:: Parental alienation is a family dynamic in which a parent engages in behaviors that can cause a child to unjustifiably reject the other parent. These behaviours are referred to as “parental alienation strategies” or “parental alienation behaviours.” Baker, A.J.L., Sauber, S.R. (2013).
There are several definitions however it is essentially when a person (generally, but not always the alienating parent) actively engages in behaviours to damage or destroy the relationship between child and a targeted parent. It is different from estrangement where the separation is either justified (eg. child abuse) or exerting independence. There are established tests that separate the two to identify Parental Alienation. See how many are ticked for your situation. Note: not all of the seventeen behaviours and eight symptoms need to be ticked
Parental Alienating Behaviours (of the Alienator and 17 are predominant)
- ❏ Badmouthing
- ❏ Limiting Contact
- ❏ Interfering with Communication
- ❏Interfering with Symbolic Communication
- ❏ Withdrawal of Love
- ❏ Telling Child Targeted Parent Does Not Love Him or Her
- ❏ Forcing Child to Choose
- ❏ Creating the Impression that the Targeted Parent is Dangerous
- ❏ Confiding in Child
- ❏ Forcing Child to Reject Targeted Parent
- ❏ Asking Child to Spy on Targeted Parent
- ❏ Asking Child to Keep Secrets from Targeted Parent
- ❏ Referring to Targeted Parent by First Name
- ❏ Referring to a Stepparent as “Mom” or “Dad” and Encouraging Child to Do the Same
- ❏ Withholding Medical, Academic, and Other Important Information from Targeted Parent/ Keeping Targeted Parent’s Name off of Medical, Academic, and Other Relevant Documents
- ❏ Changing Child’s Name to Remove Association with Targeted Parent
- ❏ Cultivating Dependency
The Eight Symptoms displayed in the child of Parental Alienation
Detailed descriptions can be found at Parental Alienation Europe.
- ❏ Denigration
- ❏ Frivolous rationalisation for the complaint
- ❏ Lack of ambivalence
- ❏ Independent thinker phenomenon
- ❏ Automatic support/Reflexive support
- ❏ Absence of guilt
- ❏ Borrowed scenarios
- ❏ Spread of animosity
The Five Factor model
- ❏ Contact refusal.
- ❏ Positive relationship prior to contact refusal.
- ❏ Absence of abuse or neglect on the part of the alienated parent.
- ❏ Alienating behaviours of the preferred parent.
- ❏ Child manifesting symptoms of Parental Alienation
Is Parental Alienation Child Abuse?
Yes it most definitely is and a growing number of countries have now specific legislation. Here in Australia there is a developing (but fragmented) use of coercive control legal frameworks. The devastating impact on the child’s mental health is documented (list around half way hyperlinked down page). Unfortunately in Australia, limited resources tend to focus on physical abuse (easier to prove and prosecute) and the psychological abuse of children is state based and fragmented. The impact on the targeted parent is also devastating and often leads to life ending tragedy.
Note:
There are lots of resources at the Parental Alienation Study Group and in Australia at the Eeny Meeny Miney Mo Foundation The aim of counsellors should be to assist and guide you to make your own decisions and not build dependency on the therapist and hence happy to point you to resources. There are many resources but few functioning in person self help groups with the exception of Parents Beyond Breakup which offer the Dads In Distress and Mum in Distress services that deal with separated parents, many of which are targets of the 17 alienating behaviours.
You can read more about me in the About tab and why I have chosen to offer (limited) services in this area.